The Toaster Song

from by The Mockingbeards

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Lyrics by Taya Win

The Toaster Song
There was a toaster in the kitchen
Who always followed all the rules
He said to no to drugs and petty thugs
And stayed in Toaster school

Every morning he'd be waiting
For the misses and the men
They would come on down in their dressing gowns
And breakfast would begin

There were marmalades and syrups
There were breads and buttered rolls
He would toast them all
He was ten feet tall
The ruler of the fold

But then one dreary weekend morning
The people left him all alone
they went away when they came back that day
They brought a new microwave oven home

the microwave said to the toaster
Hey man you think you're pretty cool
But I can cook all this food if I'm in the mood
Go back to toaster to school

The toaster oven answered
Who do you think you are?
I will toast this place right up in your face
You've gone a step too far

There was panic in the kitchen
A cloud of fear among the fruits
the starches were inconsolable
They were shaken to their roots

And so there was to be a contest
To see which appliance was best
The toaster understood his enemy was good
But he was up to the test

The microwave said to the toaster
I'll one-up your toast
For I was chosen to heat that which is frozen
The new appliance did boast

But the toaster oven answered
With pride in his voice
Try to wrap your head around heating bread
You're just gonna make it moist

And os it was decided
that who the people cooked with next
would be crowned the lord of the kitchen horde
and the loser would be second best

But they forgot about another
All caught up in their self-loving
The people didn't want toast or defrosted roast
and they used the conventional oven

The wise old conventional oven
Soft-spoken and seldom used
Baked a cake so sweet for the people to eat
and said my friends you are confused

We appliances in the kitchen
Both electrical and gas
We all have our way of making someone's day
Now show a little class

So the toaster said to the new guy
Hey man welcome to the crew
I'll make it golden brown but for the quickest in town
I'll send them straight to you

And so from that day forward the kitchen lived in harmony
Everyone threw down to make the best food in town
And the people lived happily


from The Mockingbeards, released June 3, 2016



all rights reserved


The Mockingbeards Ithaca, New York

The Mockingbeards are a folk-rock quintet from Ithaca, New York featuring guitars, mandolin, violin, and vocal harmony. Their influences include Michael Hurley, The Decemberists, Pavement, and Pete Seeger.

The Mockingbeards are:
Taya Win--guitar, vocals
Alex Ford--guitar, vocals
Jeremy Betterley--mandolin, vocals
Megan Silverstein--violin, bass
Paul Vidovich--drums
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